I Cried Today...

The weather was absolutely beautiful today. We had a warm front come through, and when Jonni got home, I knew he had taken the top off the Jeep. We have been trying to sell the Jeep. Due to all the major changes in our lives right now, we felt like it was the best thing for us to do. But neither one of us want to sell it.

We have some major emotional ties to the Jeep. We rented a Jeep when we were married in Maui, and wanted one ever since. When we were in school, after late nights of studying, we would pass by the Jeep dealership on our way home and sit in all the different Jeeps talking about how we would buy a Jeep one day. Then on our graduation day, Jonni surprised me with, what do you know...a JEEP!! Exactly the one that I wanted. It was our graduation gift to each other. When we moved, we spent almost every weekend exploring our new territory in the Jeep. We would go off-roading, looking for houses, joy-riding... There are few things that I love more than to have the top off the Jeep, riding around with my Jonni, holding his hand, listening to the radio, feeling the wind in my hair, breathing the fresh air, and looking up at the sky. That alone would cure any bad mood or bad day I was having. I know heaven will be so much greater, but riding in the Jeep with Jonni was like heaven on earth to me. I will cherish those times forever.

So tonight he got home and was really exhausted, but he knew that I really wanted to go riding, so he took me out anyways. He said this may be one of the last times we get to do this. Immediately I began to cry. The entire time we were riding in the Jeep tonight, I cried. I am crying now as I write this. I felt like we were saying goodbye to the past six years of the most wonderful time in our lives. The time that it was just me and Jonni...nobody else. I know that Grace is going to bring such a wonderful new dimension to our lives, but I just loved the way our life was with just the two of us too. I love my husband so much, and I miss him every moment that I am not with him. He is my closest companion, my soul-mate, my love, my rock, my leader, my smile, my heart, and so much more. I felt tonight like a chapter of our life was closing, and I so badly didn't want it to end. I just don't want to say goodbye. As we drove, and I cried, I just kept thanking God for his blessings in my life. I have been so blessed...undeservedly blessed. We stopped at one point and prayed together, and Jonni and I thanked God together for our lives, for the Jeep, all the memories, and for Grace. Most of all we thanked Him for Him, for how He loves us. Without Him, nothing is possible. There is no joy in life without God, no peace, no security, no love...nothing.

So I will cry the rest of my tears, knowing that a greater joy awaits us. One that I will be crying over more than this. But our ultimate joy and hope is not of this world, or in this life...but in the next. That joy is something that we can never lose, that we will never have to say goodbye to...one that lasts forever...and I thank God most for that.